Thoughts

Its better for me not to say what i really think . People get hurt by it cause its the truth, and they'll try to deny it. As days go by, I've begin to pick up thoughts, wisdom. Psychological warfare tactics. Yeah. You might not get what i mean, if i open my whole life to you, you might not really understand either. There are secrets which i have, which i have forgotten, but at times they come back in flashes which haunts me at times. The way my dad treats me is like as if i'm not a girl. He treats me like a man. Wanna know how i became so toughen up with a cold heart..my upbringing.

I'll tell you something, I've never said to my parents , "I love you". I think i said that like once or twice in my entire life to them. Even the word "Thank you" is hard to come by, unless its sarcastically said, its a different story. My parents are different from other people, at times i feel like i'm the luckiest daughter in the world, at times i feel like why'd i have to have parents like these, is it normal for them to act that way. I don't know. I never hugged my dad, my mum i did, when i'm about to leave to somewhere for a few months,yeah.. People say me and my dad seem so close, well, we are, in the mind.

My dad still pressures me at times, he treats me like i'm still 7 yrs old, and at times he'd ask me to do things like i'm a working adult. I guess i've got the best of both situations. My dad pushes me to believing that the impossible is nothing. Do it, if you feel it is right. I can tell you all the quotes and phrases my dad squeezed into my brain. Before i left for KL, my dad lecturers me alot. about almost everything in life and God. Basically spiritual stuff. I learnt alot. He prepared me for the challenges i was going to face there. I am thankful for that.

As for my mum, me and her were close back when i was still a little kid. Until i grew up and had my own brain to think with. She was never satisfied with what i've achieved. She made me regret doing things. She always said "see i told you, you should have...". Plus, i came to realise that she's really hard headed and stubborn. Yes. I'm blabbing about my own mother. I pray for he to change. Seems harder everyday. I use to admire my mother for being a strong courageous woman when she was younger back then. She has ways of doing things. Until, she got to a new era where everything changed. Now, i don't really understand her anymore. .